


trying to find ourselves in the winter snow

by OliviaRedfield



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Christmas!, F/M, Merry Christmas, Other, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, White Christmas, and there was only one bed, christmas in the mountains, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28685340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OliviaRedfield/pseuds/OliviaRedfield
Summary: “Apparently, I remembered the layout wrong.”“What does that mean?” Kiara suddenly feels quite nervous...“There are only three bedrooms.”Oh. Oh. Fuck.
Relationships: JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks), Pope (Outer Banks)/Original Character(s), Sarah Cameron/John B. Routledge
Comments: 17
Kudos: 82
Collections: Jiara Ocean Kiss Soulmate Endgame Excellence (aka a jiara-centric fic collection)





	trying to find ourselves in the winter snow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kaatiekinss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaatiekinss/gifts).



> A Very Merry (and late) Christmas to Katie!  
> Here is your idiots-to-lovers, bed-sharing, Chrismas wholesomeness fic!  
> I had so much fun writing this, so I hope you (and everyone else) enjoys it!  
> Title from Afterglow by Ed Sheeran

“I’ve had it,” Sarah announces ceremoniously. She and her friends sit in various stages of boredom around the small Chateau living room, the silence previously filled with the clicking of video game controllers and the occasional snarky comment from one of the boys as they played. John B hums in response to Sarah’s statement, but the others barely glance at her. “This is our last chance!” She adds emphatically. 

Kiara sets her book aside, raising an eyebrow at her best friend’s theatrics. Humoring Sarah will at least break up the quiet mundanity of the weekend afternoon. “Last chance for what?” 

Before Sarah can respond, JJ lets out a yell in victory. “Ha! I win again!” 

Pope groans in frustration, handing his controller to his partner, Lennon, whose legs are draped in his lap. “Avenge me!” He says solemnly. 

“Nah, don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you, Len,” JJ teases. 

“Who says I’ll go easy on you?” They shoot back, leaning forward on the couch, gearing up for an intense game. 

“Excuse me!” Sarah feigns offense that her friends are ignoring her. 

“Sorry, Princess, it’s high stakes over here.” JJ pauses the game and plasters an exaggeratedly attentive look on his face. “You were saying?” 

“This is our last chance!” She repeats. “We’re about to graduate, go out into the world, and make our own way. Winter break starts in a week! One of our last times to really drink in being young and irresponsible.”

“I thought waxing eloquent was John B’s bit,” Lennon laughs. 

“They’ve been together so long their personalities are merging!” Kiara cries dramatically. “Sarah, are you still in there?” 

Sarah rolls her eyes but laughs. “I’m serious! College is almost over and I want to make these last few months memorable.”

“Jeez, you make it sound like you’re dying, not just graduating college!” JJ gestures between Kie, Pope, Lennon, and Sarah, himself and John B being the only ones of the group to forego higher education. 

“I died when my parents shipped me off to school. Graduation will be like being reborn,” Lennon says clenching their fist dramatically. Pope laughs, throwing his arm around their shoulders. 

“Okay, Val, how do we make this break memorable then?” John B asks. 

“Here’s what I’m thinking,” she leans forward trying to build the suspense, but not a single person in the room takes her seriously. “Christmas in the mountains.”

“Sounds fun, but that is  _ memorable _ because?” Pope questions. 

“Snow! A white Christmas, Pogue-style! It’s a shame none of y’all have ever had a white Christmas!”

“I thought that’s what I experienced every year with all of you!” Pope laughs. 

“You better not be including me in that statement, Pope!” Kie points a finger at him. 

“Sorry Kie, but your mom does throw the whitest Christmas parties I’ve ever seen,” John B adds. 

Kie opens her mouth to respond, but JJ says, “Aw c’mon, Pope, you love our pasty white asses.”

Kie shakes her head and turns to Sarah, “Christmas in the mountains then?”

“Yeah! We can book the cabin my family used to stay at up in Qualla. I was thinking we could go up the twenty-third and stay until the twenty-sixth.”

There are nods all around. “I’m free!” Lennon says. “I wasn’t going to be able to fly back to Arizona for Christmas anyway, so this is great!”

“Perfect! Pope, Kie, will your parents be okay with it?”

Pope shrugs and nods, “My mom will complain a little, but I think I can convince her.” He turns to Lennon, “They might make us spend New Year’s Eve with them, though.” Lennon nods the smile on their face bordering on sappy. The two of them met during freshman year, and with Lennon’s family living so far away, Pope invited them to the Outer Banks for breaks. They fit in perfectly with the Pogues and, after some prompting from Kie, they finally asked Pope out at the beginning of Junior year. Even a year later, that new relationship glow still follows the couple everywhere. 

Kie grins, saying, “The deal was if I went to school, they’d let me do whatever I wanted on breaks.”

“Fabulous!” Sarah claps her hands and jumps up and down excitedly. “Christmas in Qualla is a go!”

***

Kiara sighs, pocketing her still vibrating phone. With winter break in full swing, the Wreck is busier than usual. On top of that, Sarah has been texting all day about their upcoming “Pogue-style Christmas.” And Kiara  _ is _ excited about it. She is well overdue for a break from school, family, work, just life in general, but the two days she has to fill between now and that ever-elusive respite seem much longer than they should. She checks the large clock on the wall over the bar: almost time to close, and the restaurant is almost empty. Just one more family in the corner. She gathers up the dishes from the last few customers at the bar and goes to take them into the kitchen when the bell over the door rings, signaling a new customer.  _ Great, a last-minute order, no doubt.  _ She finishes up with the dishes and returns to the dining room to come face to face with one of her favorite blonds. 

“What do I gotta do to get some service around here?” JJ teases. 

Kie smiles when she sees him. JJ is easy. Not just because he’ll take any leftovers she will give him, or because her parents don’t care if he stays after closing, but because he’s  _ JJ.  _ It’s always been easy to talk to JJ. “What can I get for you, sir?”

“ _ Sir?” _ JJ chuckles. “Do you really say that to all your customers?”

Kie rolls her eyes, but nods. “My mom makes me say it.”

“Gross. Isn’t that vaguely misogynistic?”

“Yeah, just a bit,” she laughs, proud of him for remembering all of her feminist rants. She leans over the counter to take some pressure off her aching feet. She’d worked a double shift, trying to earn all the money she can over break. After high school, her parents had sat her down and insisted she go to college. They had saved since she was a baby and that money was meant for  _ school,  _ not traipsing around the world on some half-baked idea of an adventure. Finding yourself? That wasn’t necessary when you had a degree. It was a months’ long argument finally resulting in Kiara enrolling in the marine biology program from Eastern Carolina University that was based out of Kildare. It’s something she enjoys and it’s close to home, so she can still work at the Wreck. And so she had agreed, but only on the condition that her parents let her do whatever she wanted with her breaks and if there’s any money left over from her college fund, it will be transferred to her travel fund, which is steadily growing thanks to her dedication.

She rolls her neck to relieve some tension and asks, “Seriously, JJ what do you want?”

“What have you got?” He pulls out his zippo, flicking it open and shut a few times. 

“We always have fries, and I think Dean overestimated a popcorn shrimp order, so we can heat some of that up.” The family in the corner waves to her, indicating they want the check. As she walks toward them, she calls back to JJ, “Wanna help me shut this place down?”

“What’s in it for me?”

“Milkshake?” 

“Absolutely.”

With most of the Pogues in school, the island is much quieter than it once was. Sarah went off to her legacy school: UNC Chapel Hill and John B followed, getting a job in Raleigh. Pope got accepted to Duke on a full-ride scholarship, leaving JJ and Kiara as the only Pogues left in Kildare. Of course, when the others come home they pick up where they left off as if nothing has changed - even when Pope introduced Lennon, they fit into the group perfectly - but during the school year, it is quiet and  _ different. _

JJ stops by the Wreck nearly every night Kiara closes; a tradition that started when she realized how little edible food was left at the Chateau with John B and Sarah living four hours away. So she’d texted him:

**_Hippie Chick:_ ** _ omg you’ll never believe how many fries are leftover tonight. They won’t last till tomorrow. Want some?  _

**_Jesse James:_ ** _ yah ok _

Eventually, JJ started helping her close up each night. Mike had wanted to complain, but all the boy asked for in return was some free food that would be thrown away anyway - how could he say no. 

Kiara packs up the food in boxes and makes two milkshakes as JJ finishes mopping behind the bar. They have gotten closing down to a science and they both finish their tasks in tandem and walk out to her car. She doesn’t ask if he needs a ride home, she knows he walked over after work, like always. She doesn’t bother telling her parents that she’ll be at the Chateau for the evening, maybe even spend the night, they know where she’ll be, like always. JJ doesn’t ask if he can pick the music, he just plugs his ancient, shattered iPhone into her aux cord and chooses obnoxious headbangers from the 80s, like always. When they arrive at the Chateau, she flips on Spongebob - volume low, subtitles on - and spreads out the smorgasbord of food from the Wreck, like always. Any silence between the two is comfortable, like always. 

Kie sits on the floor stretching and rubbing her feet as JJ digs into the fries. “I keep saying you gotta get better shoes, Kie,” he says. “Converse don’t have great arch support.”

“I’m fucking twenty-two,” she grumbles. “Who needs arch support at twenty-two?” It’s honestly a miracle she switched to wearing Converse in the first place, her previous choice of footwear being flip-flops - a terrible decision when working in a kitchen. “Was Sarah blowing up the group chat today? Or was I just the unlucky recipient of her vacation-planning frenzy?”

“It was the group chat.” JJ rolls his eyes, dipping a few fries into his milkshake. “Did you catch up on what she said?” When Kie shakes her head, he continues, “Apparently, she and John B have to stay in Raleigh until the twenty-third for work. And Lennon has an interview tomorrow for that internship, so Pope is going to stick around until that’s over.”

“So there’s no point in them coming back this way before we all leave?” 

“Right.”

“Guess it’s just the two of us road tripping to Qualla, then.”

“Is that so bad?” He laughs, leaning across to her box of food and stealing one of her fried shrimp. She flicks his wrist but laughs. 

“It is if you’re in charge of the music. Do you only know songs from the 80s?” 

“I thought you liked my music!”

***

**Sar-bear:** _ are u mad at me for not coming home?  _

**Kiki:** _ no why would I be?  _

**Sar-bear:** _ ok _

_ I just haven’t heard from you in two days bitch!!!  _

_ I thought you’d be excited! _

**Kiki:** _ I know I know. I’ve been working doubles.  _

_ I AM EXCITED  _

_ This is a much needed break _

**Sar-bear:** _ ok I guess that’s a good excuse _

_ So _

_ U and jj are riding together 👀 _

**Kiki:** _ Yeah. Split the cost of gas. That’s it bitch _

**Sar-bear:** _ yup sure  _

**Kiki:** _ Aren't y’all riding with Pope and Lennon?  _

_ 👀 _

**Sar-bear:** _ ok I concede. 💀 _

_ Will y’all pass through Raleigh?  _

**Kiki:** _ Of course! Gotta see you! Be there in about 4 hours  _

_ Leaving now  _

**Sar-bear:** _ just be careful! A snow storm is gonna blow through as you come west. _

**Kiki:** _ okay mom ❤️ _

Kiara yawns and leans back in the passenger seat, still texting with Sarah about the trip. Her alarm had gone off at six that morning, and she had promptly hit snooze a few more times than she should have. She worked a closing shift the night before,  _ again,  _ and opted to sleep on the decrepit pullout at the Chateau. The only reason she got out of bed at all was thanks to JJ yanking the blankets off her and demanding that she get up. She stretches her arms out in front of her, hoping to relieve the ache she feels from that rouge spring that dug into her back the whole night. She feels much older at that moment. Maybe she’s overworking herself? Either way, thank God JJ volunteered to drive the first leg of the trip. 

At that moment, JJ throws open the door to Kie’s Nissan, all bright blue eyes and wild blond hair sticking out from under his beanie. He hands her a cup of coffee. “How are you so energetic?” She chuckles softly. 

“Apparently, I slept better than you did, despite hearing your obnoxious snoring all night.” He sticks his cold hand under her hair and onto her neck. She curls away from him, squealing and smacking at his arm. “Careful! You’ll spill the coffee. I paid a dollar for that, so you should appreciate it.”

“Wow, a whole dollar? Really spoiling me here, huh?” She knows he spent more than a dollar on it. It’s the exact thing she always orders when she goes to coffee shops: a caramel latte, though she doesn’t exactly recall telling him that. He must have picked up on it. 

JJ taps the steering wheel as he drives, keeping beat with the soft Christmas music coming from the radio. Kiara expected him to play his music, but he seems content to drive in semi-silence. She feels her eyelids drooping and soon falls asleep. 

She wakes up long enough to grab lunch in Raleigh and meet up with John B, Sarah, Lennon, and Pope. She offers to take over driving for the last four hours of the trip, but JJ insists he’s fine. She falls asleep again.

They stop again after another two hours on the road. Kiara gets out to stretch her legs and ends up chatting with Sarah inside the gas station bathroom.

“Oh my god, I don't think messy buns are supposed to be  _ this _ messy,” she laughs, fussing with her hair. 

Sarah scrolls through her phone distractedly, but she still chuckles. “You’ve been sleeping the whole time?”

“Yeah, I’ve been working my ass off this week, and I guess it’s finally catching up with me. Besides, I’d rather be asleep than witness JJ driving like a maniac.”

Instead of responding, Sarah twists her mouth to the side and lets out a slow breath. 

Kiara turns away from the mirror. “What’s up?”

Sarah chews the inside of her cheek and says, slowly, “Well, you know how I said I was renting the place my family used to stay at?”

“Yeah, and?”

“Apparently, I remembered the layout wrong.”

“What does that mean?” Kiara suddenly feels quite nervous, which is completely silly. A different layout could mean anything. One less bathroom than Sarah remembers, a smaller kitchen, no porch, anything.

“There are only three bedrooms.”

Oh. _Oh._ _Fuck._

“That’s not…” Kie starts to say. “That’s not so bad, I guess. Does one of the rooms have, like, twin beds or bunk beds or something?”

Sarah presses her lips together and slowly shakes her head. “All three bedrooms have queens.”

Three bedrooms, all with one bed, and only two couples on the trip.  _ Great _ . 

“Wheezus, Sar. You couldn’t have told us sooner? Fuck. Y’all aren’t expecting JJ and me to share a room, right?” She tries to keep her tone light, but she thinks she might be failing.

Sarah pulls her lips further into her mouth, actively avoiding Kie’s gaze.

“ _ Sarah Cameron.” _

Sarah sighs and throws her hands up in the air. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know, okay?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m not asking Pope and Lennon to sleep in separate rooms, and I  _ would _ share a room with you, but John B has been working a lot lately, too, and-“

Kie sighs, her shoulders dropping slightly. She couldn’t expect the couples to want to spend their Christmas apart, even if they are all staying in the same house. “No, no, I get it. Don’t worry about it.”

“Maybe JJ will volunteer to sleep on the couch.”

Kie arches an eyebrow. The last thing she wants is to be the recipient of some misogynistically motivated chivalrous act, even if it’s unconscious misogyny. Why is sharing a bed with someone of another gender so frowned upon anyway? “I’m not gonna ask him to do that.” She turns back to the mirror, still trying to tame her sleep-mussed hair. “It’s fine, Sar. It is!” She feels like she might be trying to convince herself more than Sarah. “All of us Pogues have shared a room or even a bed at one time or another.” Granted, it had been years since those times and things are now...  _ different _ . She can’t put her finger on why it’s different, but it is. “It’s fine.”

Sarah offers her a slightly strained smile. “This’ll still be fun, right?”

Kie links arms with her best friend as they walk back to the cars. “Hell yeah! It’ll be a blast! I can deal with JJ hogging the blankets for a couple nights if it means I get to spend Christmas with all my favorite people.”

“Hey, guys, it’s snowing!” Lennon cries, their eyes lighting up in childish wonder. 

The snow intensifies just as the group gets back on the road. Kiara insists she should drive the final two hours to the cabin, and of course, she would be fine driving in the snow, her car does have four-wheel drive, after all, besides it’s North Carolina, snow is never that bad in this state. But after only ten minutes, she finds herself gripping the wheel tightly, simultaneously cursing herself for insisting JJ let her drive and thanking whatever powers that be that her car is handling the winter weather beautifully. The snow falls steadily the rest of the drive, but once they hit the mountains, the roads become surprisingly clear. “It’s because they’re actually prepared for this kind of shit out here,” JJ says. He sounds nonchalant, but he leans forward, practically pressing his nose to the window to get a better look at the winter scene. Kiara fights to keep her eyes from wandering over the bare trees with a million shimmering icicles forming at the end of every branch, the snow piling up and covering the dead leaves, smoothing out the landscape. The higher up they drive, the more serene the world gets as if the bustle and busyness of life can’t reach this high, held in the valley by the snow-crested mountainside.

The cabin sits among a cluster of evergreens at the end of a small winding mountain road. It is picturesque in the soft light of the afternoon, the newly fallen snow lying in untouched heaps on the roof and window sills and leading up to the oversized front porch. “This looks like a fucking Thomas Kinkade scene,” Lennon says admiringly, climbing out of the back of Sarah’s Volvo and taking Pope’s hand. “Come on, babe! Let’s go check this place out!”

Kiara pulls her overnight bag and the tote bag full of Christmas presents out of the back of her car and heads inside. John B is already trying to light a fire, and Sarah is unpacking the cooler in the kitchen. The dimensions seem a little off, the living room barely fitting a couch and two recliners around the oversized fireplace and the kitchen housing a large island with barstools, but no table to sit around. In the corner next to the fireplace and the couch sits a tall, thin Christmas tree covered in the gaudiest ornaments and beads and multicolored lights she’s ever seen. Garlands and lights are strung around the banister of the staircase. All the artwork on the walls depict snowy scenes and holiday cheer. The kitchen features Christmas themed tea towels and salt and pepper shakers. It’s kitschy and cliche and Kiara doesn’t want to admit it, but she loves it.

Pope scrolls through his phone, shaking his head. “This snow isn’t supposed to let up until morning!” he exclaims. “They’re saying this is the biggest snowstorm Qualla has seen since 1993!”

“Looks like we’ll be stuck here for a while then!” John B says. “How about that white Christmas you wished for, Val?”

JJ walks through the door in time to hear John B. “Yeah, the tire tracks are already filling in with snow. I doubt we’ll be able to drive anywhere safely for a day at least. Probably longer.”

“We should have everything we need, so prepare to be snowed in for Christmas!” Sarah says over her shoulder with a grin. She nods to the stairs and adds, “Bedrooms are upstairs. Pope and Lennon claimed the master, so it looks like the rest of us will be sharing the hall bathroom.”

Kiara follows JJ up the stairs, chewing on her lip as it dawns on her that she forgot to mention the whole there-are-only-three-beds-thing. She watches silently as JJ pauses in the hallway. She tracks his gaze from the hall bathroom to the master bedroom to both of the other bedrooms. He opens the door closest and tilts his head. “Hey, Kie.” He turns to her, his eyebrows drawing together. “Did Sarah say anything to you about-“

“There are only three bedrooms,” she cuts him off, pressing her lips together. “Sarah mentioned it to me at the gas station back in Winston-Salem. She didn’t remember the layout right. She thought there were two beds in the third bedroom and I meant to tell you about it, but then it started snowing and I got nervous and focused on driving and I forgot to say anything.” She is well aware she’s talking too fast, and she doesn’t know why she feels so anxious about telling JJ about the sleeping arrangements, but then he is nodding and he doesn’t look upset or nervous and she sighs, releasing the tension in her shoulders.

“Okay, so I’ll just take the couch.” He shrugs and seems totally fine with the unexpected change in plans.

Kie runs her tongue over her teeth and walks past JJ into the empty room. “Come on, JJ, you saw that couch, it’s tiny! It would be super uncomfortable. Just sleep in here.” She drops her bag on the bed, and when he doesn’t answer right away, she adds, “I mean, I can sleep on the couch if you want the bed.”

He scratches the back of his neck and chuckles a bit. “You sleep on the pullout most nights back home, so I won't make you do that. You take the bed. I’ll take the couch or the floor. It’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah, okay, if you’re sure.” She tries to shrug nonchalantly. It isn’t a big deal, and she knows it, but she feels bad about allowing JJ to sleep on that awful looking couch, or, God forbid, the floor. She wants to say  _ No, just sleep in the bed with me, _ but how is she supposed to tell him that without it sounding completely wrong. It’s just practical for them to share a bed. The cabin is cold and will probably just get colder at night, besides, she’s shared beds with all of the Pogues before, nothing new here. It’s just JJ. Her best friend since fifth grade. The boy she spends most of her days with back home. The person who knows her better than anyone else and that includes Sarah. This isn’t weird. It can’t be weird. Two friends sharing a bed isn’t weird. But the words don't leave her lips. They stick on her tongue and she can’t say anything. She just nods and starts unpacking her bag. 

JJ nods too and drops his backpack just outside the door as he goes back down the stairs. Kie hears him call out, “JB have you lit that fire yet? It’s cold as fuck in here!”

It is cold in the cabin and as the evening wears on, the chill seems to settle into everyone’s bones. The snow hasn’t let up since they arrived and even in the dim light cast from the porch, Kiara can see it piling up against the cars. If Sarah wanted them to experience a white Christmas, this is certainly a great year for it. Kie shivers as she washes the dishes from dinner, tearing her eyes away from the wintry wonderland outside the window; the water won’t warm up enough and the air is frosty this far from the fireplace. “Why is it so damn cold in here?” Lennon says, bringing Kie the last of the dishes from the table. “I swear I’ve checked the thermostat a million times at this point, but I don’t think the heat is running.”

“Really, Len? If that’s the case then the heater’s definitely not working,” JJ answers.

“What?” Sarah squeaks. “It’s going to be like fifteen degrees tonight! The heater has to be working!” 

John B pulls her closer to him where they sit on the couch. “JJ and I will take a look, hon. We’ve rigged the heater at the Chateau a dozen times at least. We’ll figure something out.”

“Worst comes to worst, we have to cuddle for warmth!” Lennon says cheerily, dropping into Pope’s lap and wrapping their arms around him. 

“One big group cuddling session?” Sarah grins.

“Yeah, or we can just couple up.”

JJ chokes on his drink. He plays it off as a soft chuckle, but Sarah raises her eyebrows at him. “John B, you’ll be  _ my _ cuddle buddy, right?” He laughs.

“Of course, darling!” John B reaches around Sarah’s back to take JJ’s hand, making a show of lacing their fingers together. 

“Really, guys?” Sarah huffs. “I’m right here.”

John B and JJ do inspect the heater after a few more complaints from Lennon about the temperature, despite their proximity to the fire. They make sure to check the filters and all the connections, nothing smells funny, but there is a weird clicking noise every so often. “The fan is busted,” JJ says finally. “We can probably rig it with duct tape, but we can’t run the heat all night long or this thing will totally break down. Looks like that cuddle session might be our only option.” He wraps his arms around John B’s neck and winks at Sarah, who wraps her blanket tighter around her shoulders and sticks out her tongue at him. 

After the boys rig the fan and set the thermostat as low as they comfortably can, the group settles on the floor around the fire with a deck of cards and a huge bag of Christmas MnM’s. John B suggests poker. JJ suggests strip poker but recants after a very dramatic eye roll from Kie. Sarah manages to win the whole pot, claiming she is just that good at the game, while Pope grumbles something about sheer luck. When Kie leans across JJ’s lap to take the bag of candy from Sarah, he shifts and lets his hand rest on her side. He radiates heat, even in the chilly cabin, so she doesn’t think twice about sliding closer and draping the blanket across both of their legs. 

John B and Sarah go to bed first, at Pope’s request. He’s seen John B slide his hand up Sarah’s thigh one too many times over the course of the evening and finally demands they take it to their room. Despite their boyfriend’s protests, it’s clear to Kie that Lennon has made similar plans for their night, and they finally manage to drag Pope upstairs with them. The silence left between JJ and Kie as they sit in front of the fire is not uncomfortable, but it does bear a weight they aren’t used to. Back on Kildare, they had been happy to just exist near one another, thankful for the familiarity they shared in the midst of all the changes that growing up brought. In many ways their relationship changed and evolved as their lives did; their friends going out into the world while they stayed put pushing them toward one another with the force of some inevitable gravity. Kie would always say he is her best friend, but as they sit in the silence of the too-cold cabin, the crackling wood of the dying fire and the soft swish of the snow piling on the window sills being the only interruptions, she starts to wonder if that category is too narrow for someone as close to her as JJ is. 

“I should go to bed,” she sighs, feeling the need to whisper, to preserve the peacefulness of the scene. 

“Hope you brought earplugs,” JJ chuckles. His voice is soft, too, as though he feels the same about breaking the silence, despite the teasing in his tone. “I doubt it’ll be a silent night with the looks those four were giving each other.”

She chokes on her laugh, fighting to keep a straight face. “Really? A Christmas carol pun?”

“What can I say? I’m really feeling the Christmas spirit.” He shivers when she stands and the blanket they share is pulled away from him. 

Kie hesitates for a moment, unsure if what she wants to say will be taken the correct way. But as she folds the blanket and the cold air hits her legs, the chill biting even through her jeans, she decides it’s a question worth asking. “You’re not really planning to sleep down here, right?” 

“Where else would I sleep?” He responds honestly.

“Come on.” She nods toward the stairs, pulling at his arm and he follows willingly. Perhaps he understands her better than she realizes. 

He pauses in the doorway of the room that had been claimed as hers. “Are you sure you’re okay with this, Kie?” 

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” She smiles at him, a sudden wave of nerves washing over her. Would he think it’s weird? Does he think her question means something it doesn’t? She just doesn’t want him to suffer a cold night on the couch, that’s all. Surely he understands that. 

He shrugs, one shoulder coming up and his head jerking to the side in typical JJ fashion. He grabs his backpack from where it had been left outside the door as if waiting for this arrangement to be made and makes his way to the hall bathroom. Kie makes quick work of changing, suddenly very aware that the slouchy sweatshirt she brought to sleep in is kind of see-through, and she only brought sweatpants to wear to bed and what if it gets too hot later on in the night, it’s not like she can just sleep in her underwear like she would if she were sleeping alone instead of sharing a bed with a  _ boy _ , and thank goodness her mother isn’t here or she’d flip her shit. Why is she overthinking this? When JJ comes back into the room, pulling his phone out of the pocket of his sweatpants, she breezes past him and down the hall before she can obsess over the not-so-weird, but definitely a little weird situation she’s gotten herself into. 

It’s well after two in the morning when Kie finally settles into the bed, the exhaustion from a long day of traveling finally hitting her full-force. JJ sits leaning against the headboard, scrolling aimlessly through Instagram, and he isn’t even under the blankets, but the whole bed seems to be much warmer just having him nearby. She sets a quiet alarm so she can get do some yoga before the others wake up, then reaches to turn the lamp off. “Oh,” she says when JJ shifts beside her to get under the blankets, her hand hovering over the light switch. “Need the light?”

“Nah,” he says. “I’m beat. Goodnight, Kie.”

“Night, JJ.” She’s fast asleep before JJ lays down.

***

Kiara’s alarm lets out a soft chime at eight the next morning and despite the long day previously and the late night before, she feels fully rested, like she hadn’t slept well in her life until last night. The bed is almost too warm, in a pleasant sort of way that makes her want to stay where she is for the rest of the day, back pressed against JJ’s chest, his arm across her waist, his quiet breaths tickling the back of her neck. Should she enjoy lying so close to her best friend? She doesn’t pause to consider that. It’s Christmas Eve, she remembers. Does she really need to get up? Yoga will still be there after the holiday; skipping one or two days won’t ruin her flexibility. Her phone chimes again and this time JJ inhales sharply and rolls away from her, leaving the space he had occupied cold. He doesn’t seem to have woken up fully, so she sighs, and rolls out of the bed, fighting the urge to squeal as her bare toes hit the cold hardwood floor. She grabs a pair of thick socks from her bag and seeing JJ’s gray sweatshirt and beanie discarded on the floor, puts on both items. 

The heat runs sluggishly as she goes downstairs. JJ is right, it’ll never keep the cabin warm enough. She digs through the kitchen cabinets, finding an antique ceramic kettle depicting Santa and his reindeer flying over a sleepy town that she fills with water and sets on the stove to boil. It begins whistling just as she finishes building another fire, so she makes a cup of tea and takes it and her yoga mat onto the screened-in back porch. The icy air is bracing but after a few deep breaths and sips of tea, she finds it invigorating. The soft crackle of icicles melting in the morning sun and the chirping of birds playing in the snow provides the perfect backdrop. 

Kie doesn’t bother keeping track of how long she is out there, she simply listens to the sounds of nature, flowing into the next pose like it’s second nature. She has just pushed up into a headstand when she hears the door to the porch creak and JJ chuckles, “I was wondering where my sweatshirt went.”

“You’re interrupting my focus,” she complains good-naturedly.

“Your focus can wait. If I get much colder my balls will freeze off.”

She tuts softly, “Wouldn’t want that to happen.” She wavers a little, her concentration well and truly broken. She contemplates ending her practice, but the smug look on JJ’s face keeps her still, tightening her abs to hold herself in the headstand. He tilts his head as if trying to see the world from her perspective. “Enjoying the view?” she laughs, losing her breath from exertion.

“I don’t know how you do that. I don’t have the balance.”

“It’s not so hard once you practice,” Kie starts to say when she feels the oversized sweatshirt begin to slip, falling over her face, which wouldn’t be so bad, nothing that hadn’t happened before, definitely a regular occurrence for any yogi, except… she isn’t wearing a bra.

In a split second, she pulls her knees in, falling to the deck less than gracefully with a dull thud and scrambling to keep the sweatshirt from riding too far up her torso. “I-” she doesn’t know what she wants to say, but she feels like she needs to say something. Then she looks up at JJ, his hand thrown over his eyes, laughing uncontrollably. A giggle bubbles up in her chest and she finds herself laughing along with him.

“You know what? Keep the sweatshirt on,” he says when he catches his breath, his hand still over his eyes. “You clearly need it more than I do.”

Kie sits cross-legged finishing her cup of tea, opting not to meditate like she usually does after yoga. Her ears are still burning underneath her - JJ’s - beanie, but she smiles despite actively attempting to avoid thinking about the view he got. She’s embarrassed by it, of course, but what could she do about it now. Maybe it should bother her more. If it had been another member of their little group it would, but it’s JJ. Some stuff just can’t be  _ that _ embarrassing with him. She chuckles to herself, downing the last of her tea and venturing back into the cabin. It’s slightly warmer now, between the fire she had started earlier and Sarah cooking breakfast. The blonde girl hums and sways along to the Christmas music blasting from her phone as she scrambles eggs. She’s clearly enjoying herself, despite the fact Kie knows she’s a terrible cook.

“Hey, Sar-bear, want some help?”

Sarah giggles, “For the sake of everyone else, yes. I’ve already burned the bacon. You wanna make the pancakes?”

It’s nearly eleven-thirty by the time Kiara saves Sarah’s attempts in the kitchen. The others crowd around the island, no one bothering to abide by standard table manners, jostling and reaching across each other and passing plates and toast and glasses of juice and a-little-too-strong mimosas that Sarah had insisted on. Kie pulls herself onto the counter then grabs a piece of toast from JJ and starts generously smearing orange marmalade on it.

“Kie, didn’t you say last week that bread was your enemy?” JJ asks with a smirk, tugging at the beanie on her head, pulling the edge over her eyes.

She laughs, shoving the hat back into place. “Yeah, yeah, it’s just a tiny gluten intolerance. One piece of toast isn’t going to kill me.” She takes an exaggerated bite. “Besides, it’s a holiday. I’m going to eat what I want.”

She has worked up quite an appetite after exercising, and if JJ notices her reach for a pancake and then another, he doesn’t say anything. He just leans against the counter next to her, looking perfectly content to let her knee dig into his side as they eat and chat. At some point, after a few more mimosas and someone knocks the bowl full of scrambled eggs over, Lennon starts trying to throw grapes across the island and into Pope’s mouth. Kie gets a stitch in her side from laughing so hard. She keeps herself from falling off the counter by wrapping an arm around JJ’s shoulders and sliding closer to him. He responds by snatching her drink from her hand and downing the rest of it before she can protest. She ruffles his hair in exasperation, but the sparkle in her eyes tells him she doesn’t actually mind.

Once the brunch shenanigans die down, someone suggests a hike. “Yes! A hike in the snow!” Lennon cries, already halfway up the stairs to change into warmer clothes. Their voice drifts back down to the rest of the group as they yell, “I wanna build a snowman, too!

They are outside before anyone else, piling snow up for the body of the snowman. Their short dark hair sticks out wildly from underneath a fur-lined winter hat and their naturally tanned cheeks are rosy from the frosty air. “Can you tell they like the snow?” Pope laughs.

“I’m actually surprised their warm-blooded Arizona ass hasn’t been complaining about the cold,” John B says.

“Oh, they have been,” Pope rolls his eyes, but the smile on his face is full of love. “Just wait until we actually start hiking. They’ll start complaining again.”

“Pope! Get your ass over here and help me!” Lennon calls out. 

In true Pogue fashion, it takes a few minutes to pull everyone out into the winter wonderland and away from their distractions. The sky shines in perfect North Carolina blue, causing the ice-covered trees and the soft layer of unbroken snow on the hiking trail to sparkle as if doused in glitter. A few winter birds sing a cheery tune, and a soft breeze sets the tops of the trees swaying and creaking, but nature is silent otherwise. The crunch of boots and swish of jackets are the only man-made sounds for a while. Kiara slows down to take in the view before her, the large breakfast she ate making her feel rather sluggish. Sarah had been right, a white Christmas was just the break everyone needed. The snow is peaceful.

JJ notices she has fallen behind and, nearly silently, he falls into step beside her. After a moment he elbows her, motioning for her to stay quiet. He stops, kneeling in the snow to adjust the laces on his boot. Sarah is having a soft conversation with John B at the front of the group, probably being romantic and disgusting as usual. Kie is torn between following her friends as they continue on, oblivious that JJ has stopped, and staying with him. Before she can decide, something zips by her face, smacking into the back of John B’s head with deadly precision. “Snowball fight!” JJ whoops.

“Son of a bitch! You’re gonna regret that, Maybank!” John B rushes JJ, sending the blond boy sprawling into the snow on the side of the trail. In the midst of their scrabble, another snowball flies, narrowly avoiding Sarah’s nose. Pope runs to her defense, with little success, most of his snowballs ending up in the trees instead of hitting their targets. 

“Pope, I mean this in the best way, you’re useless at this,” Sarah cackles, collecting snow for her own arsenal. On her first throw, she hits JJ’s shoulder. He jumps up from where he and John B were wrestling, scooping up a handful of snow and shoving it into the hood of Sarah’s jacket. 

John B launches a snowball that hits Kie’s leg and soon a regular volley of snowballs is flying through the air. The Pogues’ shrieks, yells, and laughter fill the air and passers-by might have thought they were a group of little kids enjoying a snow day if it weren’t for the occasional expletive. JJ looks like a walking snowman, covered head to toe in snow from his wrestling match. Kie doubles over, hands on her knees, as she laughs at the scene. 

“You think this is funny?” JJ laughs. “I think you’re getting off easy for being in a literal snowball war!” Kie giggles as he chases her down. He wraps an arm around her waist, lifting her feet off the ground. She shrieks as he shoves snow down the back of her coat, twisting around to push at his shoulder. The sudden movement knocks him off balance and the two of them tumble into a drift. Throwing her arms out to catch herself, she manages to avoid head-butting him. Instead, her nose hovers inches from his, her gaze meeting his blue eyes that match the sky and are sparkling with mirth under snow-covered lashes. She bites her lip, another giggle bubbling up in her throat as his hands come up to rest on her waist. Her mouth goes dry when he licks his lips and his eyes flick down and then back up again. A pit forms in her stomach, and for a moment she thinks she might be sick. Her best friend shouldn’t be giving her butterflies; that’s not the kind of relationship they have. She swallows hard, willing the uncomfortable nerves to go away when the pit in her stomach tightens. In an instant she’s scrambling off JJ, leaning around a tree just as her breakfast makes a reappearance. 

“Oh, shit. Holy fuck, Kie.” JJ jumps up and places a hand on her back once she finishes retching. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were feeling bad.”

Kie shakes her head, taking off her gloves so she can wipe her mouth with the back of her hand. She takes a deep breath, her eyes streaming. “It’s not your fault, JJ. It was breakfast. I knew better than to eat all of that shit.

He lets out a single breathy laugh, but his forehead is still wrinkled with worry. “I mean, I did warn you.”

“You did.” She smiles weakly, leaning back against the tree. Her stomach is still churning, meaning she’ll probably be sick again. 

“Oh my god, Kie, are you okay?” Sarah asks, running over, the snowball fight completely forgotten now.

“Yeah, I guess I’ve developed a full-blown gluten intolerance now.”

“You need to go back to the cabin and lay down,” Pope says, tone laced with faux sternness. “Replenish your fluids. Doctor’s orders.”

“You’re not a doctor, yet.” She sticks her tongue out and makes a show of standing fully upright, despite the stabbing pain in her abdomen that told her she didn’t have long before she was heaving again. Once she was clear of the tree, she wobbled, a wave of dizziness and nausea washing over her.

“Nope, you’re not okay,” Lennon says, rushing to her, while JJ wraps an arm around her from the other side. “You want a second not-yet-doctor’s opinion? Do what Pope suggested.”

Sarah nods. “Yeah, in fact, it’s really fucking cold out here. So we should all be heading back anyway.”

Kie protests the whole way back to the cabin, insisting she is fine and apologizing for the whole scene. Sarah drags her up the stairs and helps her get into less wet and more comfortable clothing. She gets sick again halfway through the process. “I’m really sorry for ruining everything,” she whispers, leaning against the toilet in the hall bathroom.

“You didn’t ruin anything, babe,” Sarah says, rubbing small circles on her best friend’s back. “Why don’t you take a nap? I’m sure you’ll feel much better after that. Then we can get back to partying! And no more bread for you.”

Kie lets out a laugh. “Yeah, no more bread for me.”

***

The sky is tinged with pink from the setting sun as Kiara’s eyes flutter open. The smell of peppermint and baking cookies fills her nostrils. A lukewarm cup of tea sits on the bedside table, so she sits up in the bed to drink it. Despite it not being hot, the tea soothes her throat. Her stomach growls obnoxiously, making her realize she should probably venture downstairs and find something to eat. She grabs a blanket from the end of the bed to wrap around her shoulders.

Christmas music blares from John B’s speaker, and the scent of the wood fire blends nicely with the aroma of freshly baked cookies. All of the presents the Pogues had brought are piled around the base of the tree, spilling over in front of the couch, one box, in particular, had been chosen as JJ’s footrest. Kie hopes it’s nothing fragile. Lennon, Pope, and Sarah hover excitedly around the oven, waiting for the next batch of cookies to finish. When JJ notices Kie coming down the stairs he jumps up. “Hey, Kie! Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “Starving now, though.”

“We’ve got cookies!” John B yells, reaching for some gingerbread sitting on a cooling rack. Sarah smacks at his hand. “And some other shit Sarah called char-shootery?” He shrugs and reaches around his girlfriend’s back to snag the cookie he wants. 

“Charcuterie,” Sarah sighs as Kie takes a seat on one of the barstools. “I’ve corrected him a dozen times. I swear, it’s like he doesn’t want to learn the word.”

“Or his brain can’t retain it.” JJ waves a hand in front of his eyes, mocking John B’s usual happy-go-lucky facial expression.

“Hey, that’s my boyfriend you’re talking about, Maybank!” Sarah laughs.

“And he’s my best friend who is the human version of a golden retriever. Your point?” JJ winks at Kie who is stifling laughter. He hovers right by her elbow, either because the kitchen is entirely too small to host six people or to keep a closer eye on her. Either way, Kie doesn’t really mind. She still feels a little off and she likes having someone like JJ close by to steady her. She opens her mouth to ask where the food is, but before she can say anything, JJ asks, “What do you wanna eat, Kie?”

She smiles. “That charcuterie sounds great.” Sarah tells JJ the board is in the fridge, and Kie catches herself following his every move as he walks across the kitchen. For the first time, she allows herself to consider what that might mean. What the closing shifts at the Wreck and the shared food and the late-night talks at the Chateau mean. What the moments of quiet and perfect understanding mean, knowing what another person needs before they even open their mouth.

“Want some Christmas cookies?” Sarah chirps, interrupting Kie’s train of thought.

Kie shakes her head. “I really shouldn’t. Don’t want a repeat of earlier.”

“Oh, I made some gluten-free ones.” Sarah points to the other end of the island. “Here! JJ insisted on going down the mountain and into town to pick up some gluten-free flour. He wanted to make sure you could enjoy the rest of the holiday without getting sick.” She shakes her head, but her smile is wide. “The roads are awful, so I’m honestly surprised he made it back in one piece. He must really care about making your holiday special.”

Kie stutters for a moment at the tone Sarah uses. “Wh-What does that mean? Sarah?”

The blonde girl shrugs innocently as JJ resumes his vigil at Kie’s side. She falls into silence, watching the other Pogues joke and laugh as they share food and drinks. The holidays had always been nice, but she could never say they were her favorite time of year. Her mother always had a laundry list of holiday events and traditions to  _ fulfill _ rather than enjoy, parties with Kooks and close friends and each side of the family, light displays to see and pageants to attend, presents to wrap perfectly, goodies to bake, passages to read. The chaos and familiarity of the day inexplicably speak to her heart now. Looking around the room, she thinks that, perhaps, all Christmases should be like this. Her eyes linger on one smiling face, in particular, hands waving animatedly as he tells some story, the finer details definitely exaggerated, blue eyes sparkling and reflecting the multi-colored lights on the tree. Perhaps all Christmases should include him. 

At some point snow begins to fall again, with less intensity than before, this time simply providing a background for the evening. Lennon and John B argue briefly about which movie to watch, finally settling on Home Alone followed by The Grinch. “Jim Carey’s Grinch is the only one in existence, as far as I’m concerned,” Lennon announces. JJ pulls Kie onto the couch next to him as the movie starts. Normally back at home, she doesn’t think twice if he throws an arm over her shoulders or if she leans into his side, but now her heart skips a beat being so close to him, and she may be fooling herself, but is his heart beating faster, too?

Despite how loud the volume is, Lennon falls asleep during the second movie, sitting on the floor and leaning against Pope’s legs. They stir long enough to follow Pope to bed, leaving the other four to finish the film. John B and Sarah share a blanket, sitting in one of the armchairs, and Kie doesn’t want to dwell on the fact that she can’t see John B’s hands or what he’s doing with them. She gets up to make another cup of tea, to distract herself from the couple’s overt flirting, and JJ follows her into the kitchen. “You know I can do this myself, JJ,” she chuckles.

“Sorry,” he mutters, running his hands through his hair, not bothering to go back into the living room. “You kinda scared me earlier,” he adds, the words hardly audible.

“I’m fine,” she smiles up at him, waiting for the kettle to boil again. “Maybe this’ll teach me to listen to you every once in a while.”

“Just every once in a while?” he smirks, stepping forward, impossibly close now.

“Wouldn’t want to give you a big head.” Her breath hitches when he places a hand on her hip. She clears her throat, “Um, thanks, by the way… Sarah told me the gluten-free cookies were your idea. Must have been pretty dangerous, driving in all that snow.”

He shrugs, tongue darting over his lips before he says, “It wasn’t so bad. Kinda pretty.” She gets the odd feeling his words have another layer of meaning. “Besides…” he pauses, then adds in a half-whisper, “You’re worth it.”

Kie looks up into his eyes fully at this point. Should she say what’s been swirling through her mind since yesterday? One night sharing a bed with your best friend and suddenly everything changes.

“Oh my god!” Sarah cries. “Just fucking kiss already.”

JJ jumps back, a nervous cough escaping him. Kie has never seen his cheeks so red, so she can’t help but giggle to herself. The kettle whistles and she makes her tea. They return to their spot on the couch to finish the movie, this time leaving a little more space between the two of them. Kie is very aware of Sarah’s eyes wandering their way every so often, and the second the credits roll, Sarah jumps up, grabbing John B’s hand. “Goodnight, y’all! Happy Christmas Eve! See you in the morning!” she calls out as they leave the room. 

“It is getting late, wanna head to bed?” JJ asks. Kie nods.

Since the snow had started up again, they decide to leave the blinds open, only the light of the moon illuminating the room, reflecting off the flakes as they fell. Without even turning the lights on, they change, backs to each other, a loaded silence the only barrier between them. Kiara finishes first, turning around just as JJ pulls a thermal tee over his head. Her eyes shouldn’t linger on the dip of his spine, following the hem of the shirt as he tugs it down his back, but they do. It’s cold, but not unbearably so; they don’t need to lie close to warm up, breaths mingling and steadily slowing and evening out, but they do. She isn’t going to move away from him and roll onto her other side to face the window, so he doesn’t need to slide his hand around her waist and hold her close, but he does. If she wasn’t so tired she might question him, demand an explanation, ask what exactly had changed between leaving the Outer Banks and coming to Qualla. Then she pauses her swirling thoughts, realizing for the first time that nothing has changed, at least not for her. This fluttering her heart has taken up isn’t new, the wrong feelings had been assigned to it. The closeness she attributed to their friendship had long ago deepened to more. This inevitability had always been just around the corner, waiting for the right moment, like a flower waiting for the right beam of sun to shine through and prompt its petals to unfurl and face its rays. As her mind accepts this thought, however foreign and simultaneously familiar, she realizes something else, something a little less earth-shattering. “It’s after midnight. Merry Christmas, JJ.”

He smiles, his eyes meeting hers. His gaze is lazy, full of sleep, and something else they are both too tired to act upon. His voice rasps soothingly as he whispers in response, “Merry Christmas, Kie.” 

As her eyes close and she gives in to whatever dreamland her mind had prepared for her, he presses a soft kiss to her nose. A slight smile lingers on her face as she falls asleep. 

***

Blue eyes meet brown ones as the sun shines its rays through the still open blinds. Kiara has never particularly liked the idea of kissing someone first thing in the morning, let alone having her first kiss with someone immediately upon waking up. But before she can say anything, smile shyly, excuse herself to brush her teeth, JJ’s hand tangles in the hair at the nape of her neck, and his lips capture hers almost hungrily, sending shivers down her spine, her heart leaping like it wants to escape her chest, and a warmth coursing through her whole body that says  _ Hello, welcome home, I’ve been waiting for you. _

He pulls back for just a moment, and she catches her breath shakily. “Good morning to you, too,” she laughs breathily.

JJ’s responding grin is wild and boyish, the epitome of joy, and Kie thinks she might like to see him smile like that for the rest of her life. He doesn’t say anything, he simply leans back in, this kiss a little more gentle, but still backed with the same desire as before. Her hands find their way into his hair as their kiss deepens. Outside, the sun’s rays glitter on the word awash with newly fallen snow. 

Sarah bites her lip to stop a grin from spreading across her face as Kie and JJ walk into the kitchen. She doesn’t say anything when she notices Kie is wearing JJ’s thermal tee or when JJ’s hand rests on the small of her back as he leans around her to grab a coffee cup or when Kie throws her hair over her shoulder, revealing a large purple mark just above her collarbone. Instead, she clasps her hands together and says, “Who’s ready to open presents?”

Kie knows there is still a lot left to talk about. Nothing and everything has changed quite literally overnight. But for the moment, the soft and blissful moment of Christmas Day, she wants to drink it all in. To sit on the floor surrounding a gaudy Christmas tree with her friends - her family - JJ’s arm around her waist, pretending they aren’t young adults, they’re just a group of kids, the holiday spirit shining in their eyes and radiating off of them. To overeat holiday treats, to watch all the traditional movies, to be really and truly grateful for the people they’ve been and become and surrounded themselves with. To fall asleep on the couch when the festivities tire her out, then to go upstairs and share a bed with JJ, whatever he may be to her now - her lover, she thinks. She can live with that. She might have been wanting to call him that for a while now. 

He catches her eye and she realizes she’s been staring. Unashamedly, and with a smile, he pulls her close and presses a kiss to the side of her head. “Merry Christmas, Kiara,” he whispers into her hair.

“Merry Christmas, JJ,” she smiles.  _ Here’s to many more. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so, so much for reading (and letting me extend the Christmas season well into January)! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!  
> If you want to scream at me about Outer Banks and other things, head over to my tumbler: @largedenominationsplease!


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